Celebrities And Crypto: Thanksgiving In Purgatory


November 22, 2018 2:00 PM

A look at some celebrities we’re thankful for.

Gather around the table, everyone, dinner’s ready! It’s so nice to have you all here. You’ll find your spot designated with a cute little name tag on each plate. Now, now, Craig Wright, what do you think you’re doing at the adult table? Maybe next year.

Alright, so now that you’re all in the right spots, there’s one more thing to do before we dig in to our Thanksgiving feast. I know you don’t all know each other, but boy did you all have a big year in the crypto world. And I figured, just to get the awkward “Hi, where are you from?” out of the way, we could unpack what happened; really get down to the nitty-gritty of, oh, let’s say, five particularly eyebrow-raising, chin-rubbing, head-scratching moments you all gave the crypto world in 2018.

Akon and T.I., I see you both reaching for the cranberry sauce. We’ll start with you two then. Both of you had interesting crypto aspirations this year, some good, some bad. Akon, oh, Akon. Akon, Crypto City is quite an idea. Two thousand acres in Senegal where you’ll build a city that is “100 percent crypto based” and running on your very own cryptocurrency Akoin. The name is so clever it’s worth forgiving you for saying, “I come with the concepts and let the geeks figure it all out.” I hope we can hear more about it during your 2020 presidential campaign.

T.I., Tip, we all loved you in “Ant-Man” andAnt-Man and the Wasp,” but what happened with FLiK? Now I know you weren’t the only one involved here – your business partner Ryan Felton is part of it too – but it’s just hard to ignore a $5 million lawsuit being filed after investors claimed you and Felton told them the coin would be worth $14.99 in 15 months and then artificially inflated the crypto asset’s value with their investments. You did technically help invent trap music though, and your last album was pretty good, so thanks for letting us share your crypto story with everyone here.

Bill Clinton, the invitation specifically noted no instruments or sunglasses at the dinner table. Could you please put down the saxophone and remove the shades? I can’t let this slide, even for a former president. ETHNews covered your little foray into the crypto and blockchain world this year as the keynote speaker for the Swell conference. And yeah, there were some questions about your involvement with the event, but who could question the decision after your rousing speech? “The permutations and possibilities of blockchain technology are staggeringly great” is the kind of commentary you just can’t find in the budding world of blockchain.

Gwyneth Paltrow! You’re positively glowing. Those healing energy stickers must be working wonders. This year, your website and wellness company, Goop, got all up in the world of bitcoin and investments with an article explaining the basics for those who were interested in getting involved, or just learning a bit more. Now, I know it wasn’t technically written by you, but you did tweet about it and credited the interviewee. And with a follower count of 2.8 million, it’s great that you used your platform to push a subject that can be rather daunting to get into. Yes, the article does manage to mention the name of the wallet you’ve been a partner with since 2017 three times in the opening paragraph alone, and yes, Goop has been known to deal in pseudoscience, but at the very least you had a pretty positive crypto year.

Last, but certainly not least, we have William Shatner. There’s a reason you’re at the head of the table, smack dab in front of the turkey. Earlier this very month, the Captain Kirk tweeted his support to Ethereum creator Vitalik Buterin using the thumbs-up emoji. It was mysterious, sure, but that’s not where you left it, Mr. Shatner. After receiving some backlash, you then tweeted out a few ERC standards to silence some critics in a twist not seen since Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. It was a wild way to begin the month of November, and it’s a perfect closing as we sit down for Thanksgiving dinner

Whether they made it to this year’s feast or not, here’s to all the celebrities who made our crypto world a fascinating place in the year of our Lord Satoshi Nakamoto 2018.

Nicholas Ruggieri studied English with an emphasis in creative writing at the University of Nevada, Reno. When he’s not quoting Vines at anyone who’s willing to listen, you’ll find him listening to too many podcasts, reading too many books, and crocheting too many sweaters for his dogs, RT and Peterman.

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